Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Crap Tastic

Just wrote this big long blog about whats been up with me lately, and I failed to save then my 7 year old came in and I pushed one wrong button and bam its all deleted!... Oh well lets try this again

I was in another car accident recently rear ended by a woman going 40 mph while I had been sitting at a red light!... Witnesses state I jumped from my van ran to her like Homer Simpson and chocked her out like Bart Simpson... I honestly don't remember. I know I was seeing red and I was pissed. What in the world are you doing to slam into someone sitting at a red light going that fast. I mean I drive a mini van its black I know all the brake lights work cause I just purchased it 4 months ago and have only made a handful of payments.. Oh wait that's right she was texting! Ewwww well after that I was having issues functioning at work and life. I could not breath when I knew I had to get in my car to drive to work, I refused to go to the grocery store and my poor children were prisoners in there own home cause no way was I putting them in a car aka death trap! I mean it was bad, but I decided to pick up the phone call a therapist and bawl like a crazy to her begging for help. I made a appointment and she did just that. She diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... WTH Me I thought is that not the same thing soldiers were coming home from war with? Not me no way man..., But she explained that in fact after suffering 2 serious accidents in less than a 4 month span I was having anxiety issues. They were debilitating and I have never been one for medication but in this case she convinced me. I started to take what she prescribed and Holy shit balls I was a mute, I slurred all my words could not keep my eyes open. I had to be driven to work and its a wonder I was not sued by a client, but everyone hair thank God turned out lovely. After a week I started to half the medication and I guess it built up in my system so I am almost normal. LOL, but who is normal? What is the definition of normal? I have no idea anyway that is one big thing that has happened since we spoke last. The way I see it if you feel that your life is spiraling out of control, or you can not cope your miserable about whatever ask for help and I do not mean go out drinking with your friends getting shit faced and crying about your problems. I mean call a licensed therapist or whoever and be honest with them and yourself about what is really going on. They can help.....

Ok positive note people.. California in 2 days Friday 6:30 a.m. I will be kid free with Richie off to LAX to visit my half brother. Now this is the longest either one of us has been away from our children. This is Richie's first airplane ride, his first time to California, His first time to a beech, and our very first adult vacation! Wow that is a lot of firsts lol you would think we were virgins but that is not right either we have 3 kids. I am so excited mostly just to be alone with him in 9 years it is almost like we have no identity without 3 kids. I know that might sound rough but it is the truth we met right after I left Braidens father so I already came to the relationship with a child then 2 years later we had Blaine and 4 later here came the hellion Bishop. I am ready to do simple stuff like hold his hand while we walk down the beech, I am ready to sit down at a restaurant and order food and a drink without coloring, or telling our kids to chill out quite sit still etc. To just be able to eat slow and chew our food instead of rushing because Bishop is not having it and ready to get up and walk around or leave. Honestly these are real life issues that you do not think about before you decide to have children. I love my kids and would not trade one second of being a parent, but I honestly believe that every couple should get 1 vacation a year alone with no kids. We have no outside support from family. My mother passed 3 years ago, my dad is a lost soul without her, Richie's dad lives 5 hours away and his mom gets them for 1 hour and is blowing the phone up asking where we are. It has just been us alone to battle 3 kids they our number us and its hard. Only have as many kids as you do hands lol, some people are cut out for dozens of kids, its just not me. 3 is the limit...Richie's uncle and his girlfriend are coming to our house to stay with the boys and dogs till Wed. I have been slammed at work thanks to Mama Laughlin and word of mouth from my amazing clients. I am so thankful and blessed right now in my life it overwhelms me with joy!

I am tearing up! Random next subject this will sound like a infomercial

If you are tired of smelling like smoke, If your hands and teeth are yellow, If your voice is starting to sound like a man and your a chick, If your having to go outside a bar to smoke and your tired of fearing cancer switch your life to a E-Cigg...No joke this thing took me from 1 pack a day to nothing in less than 2 months. If you live in the Dallas area Good Vapes off northwest highway and Plano rd in Dallas is where its at. I feel like a new woman, I smell like one and I'm no longer worried about my future and if I will be around long enough to see my grand babies. Best choice I ever made... you should switch and change your life for the better. Ok guys love you all but I need to get some ZZZZ'S a long day at the salon tomorrow everyone is freaking out cause I will be gone a week heaven forbid!

Monday, May 13, 2013

I got a Dollar.. I got a Dollar.. I got a Dollar HEY HEY HEY HEY!

This one I call Revenge... It s about my ex landlord that was crooked and wrong. I took him to court and realized I should have become a lawyer... Know your rights folks and here are some helpful tips to keep this from happening to you...

So last week I went to small claims court to sue my old landlord for retaliating against me for requesting repairs. Each state is different so make sure you research. In Texas is if you send a certified repair request in the mail to your landlord they have 10 days to make those repairs. If they do not you can call the city and report them, the City will fine them each day they do not fix the problem. Now here is the kicker if you are under lease and the landlord serves you a 30 day or eviction from the day they receive that request or up to 6 months later that is retaliation and you can be awarded big bucks...

Well that is exactly what this chump did and I WON! I walked in that court room with a folder full of pictures, receipts, emails about how I always paid in full on time for 5 years, documents from the city and the fines they served him for hazardous issues. I even had a inspection report that I paid for out of my pocket a year prior... It matched the city's report done in February of this year with all the same problems proving he did nothing or even attempted to for 1 full year! BAM

I call this do not mess with self employed folks.... cause were crazy and keep receipts for everything! I had 5 years worth of crap I dug up. My advice read your lease carefully take your time highlight anything that sounds weird or that you do not agree upon. Ask the landlord to compromise and make adjustments. If they refuse and your not 100% comfortable DO NOT SIGN! Then take photos of the condition of the house before you move one stick of furniture in. Print and save those in a file with your lease. For example the new house we got had glass, beer caps etc in the yard it was BAD.... I called a landscaping company asked for a FREE estimate of how much it would cost to fix. The grand total was $2,500 for labor no flowers just good old fashion hard work. I saved that quote and photos tucked it away in the file. In 1 year if this new guy decides he wants to keep and portion of my deposit I have back up! My boyfriend, kids and I have busted our butts cleaning this yard planting beautiful flowers, mulch the whole 9. So he will look like a DONKEY if I ever need to take him to court. 

Back to the old landlord cause its all about the Benjamin's baby! I was awarded $989.45 in my deposit $1,500 in damages and $160 in court costs! The funny part is he hired this woman to represent him as his property manager. She is the one that served me a 30 day and I wanted to rip her face off, but that is not smart so I acted like a professional and showed her by draining her bank account. Because she claimed to be the property manager she had to write the check not the Landlord! BAM BAM BAM.... I called friends skipped out of the court house with a big old smile and said I am buying drinks tonight! They walked out pissed and cursing me in SPANISH... I might be a hairstylist that only schooled for 2 years, but I am no fool. 

Stick up for yourself... research your rights... Do not allow anyone to run over you or belittle you ever. Stand tall and proud and as long as you do right by others, the Karma game comes full circle in your favor. I am a firm believer in this. Life is all about experiences you live, you make mistakes, and you learn that is the whole point. Focus on one tiny positive out of the negative and it will not only help keep you sane but I promise you will get through it.When I was served that 30 day from my old landlord I had just been in a horrific car accident 2 months prior broke my face, the other party had no insurance and I have no health insurance. I was out of work for 1 month and facing $250,000.00 in hospital bills. Plus caring for 3 kids and running a business. I thought the world was crashing in on me. Then seriously no lie my attorney called me 2 weeks later and said my insurance had uninsured policy and they cut me a check it was at his office in his hand!

I fell to my knees....God loves me he always has and always will. He will never forsake me, I am his daughter! The timing was beyond perfect because if that had not happened I would be homeless with my 3 kids and dogs. The reason I put up with that landlord is because I was struggling to make ends meet and could not afford to move.

Chain of events....Broke my face in car accident, got my own car cause they totaled it, BTW my dad and I were sharing this 1 car between us. He got a new car and I got my own car....Landlord served us 30 day... 2 weeks later I got a settlement check from my insurance. I found a beautiful new safe house for my children and I and here I am with a extra couple of grand in my pocket after court. Do not question why? Why me I believe God allows certain things to happen because I am too stubborn and do not listen to him with out being forced by traumatic events to listen and follow his plan! I swear ask anyone that knows me on a personal level if it is going to happen it happens to me! I have learned to embrace it, I had panic attacks and worried myself sick years ago. After that accident I threw my hands up and let go. I surrendered to GOD....

I hope that this helps others... I blog for my own personal growth, so I can look back and say wow I endured a lot, but I am still here standing tall. 

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Letting my SON spread his wings!

This post is about allowing my oldest son to move schools and move into his fathers house. The pain it caused me and how I overcame the hardest decision I have made to date as a parent. Dealing with others comments and judgement.

Well my 10 year old Braiden was having issues at school and home. He was defiant started to back talk. Being very disrespectful and slacking in school work. We battled  each other daily, the entire house was at war. It made my relationship with my boyfriend come to a close end. We argued about how to handle him, punishments and words. I always took my sons side and it made my boyfriend and I become distant. My other children suffered because when Braiden was grounded it felt like the whole house was grounded. We had to stay home and it ended up punishing everyone in the end. Finally one day I got a phone call from a teacher and I lost it. I screamed at him, then started to cry uncontrollably "What can I do to make you happy?" His response was "I want to move to my dads!" I was shocked, hurt and didn't understand why he would say that. It hurt me and made me feel like the worst mother in the world! My own son did not want me anymore. I cried for days cancelled appointments and stayed in bed. I took it personally. I called his dad and told him Braiden wanted to move with him. He was excited and said yes, when Blaine my 7 year old found out his brother was moving he started to cry so hard, he could not breath. He grabbed me and said"my chest hurts I can not breath mom" I told him I know Im so sorry you are experiening your first broken heart. Its the truth I know that feeling, I felt it when my grandparents and mom passed away. When the pain is so great your chest hurts and you can catch your breath. I explained to Blaine that everything will be ok and In that moment talking my son through the pain, I was not only helping him I was helping myself to realize what this was really about. Braiden is my oldest from my marriage to his father and Blaine and Bishop are from my 10 year relationship with my boyfriend. I told Blaine he has lived with me for 10 years and he has never lived with his dad. He needs his father just like you need yours. I explained what if mommy and daddy split up and you had to only live with mommy? He said I would miss my daddy so bad. I said yes and that is why Braiden wants to live with his dad. Its not because he does not love us, or he is mad at us. It hit me and I felt better about letting him go. So I packed my sons stuff up, signed transfer papers for school and drove him to Canton. It is 1 hour away from where we live. On the way there it was silent in the car. I did not know what to say to Braiden. He started to cry uncontrollably and wanting to back out. Turn the car around mom I dont want to go anymore. I stopped the car and hugged him. I looked at him right in the eyes and said" Braiden Im not mad at you! I love you so much and will do whatever it takes to make you happy. I know you love me and you wanting to live with your dad is not a bad thing. I think that its great and Im proud of you for voicing your opinion and making such a grown up decision. He said " mom I dont want you to be mad at me or think that I do not love you." We just hugged and cried feels like forever. We got to his dads and I dropped him off, hugged him kissed him and told him to call me anytime day or night. If he needs anything Im always here.

I drove off............

Got 1 mile down the road pulled over parked the car got out and hit my knees. I prayed like I have never prayed before to protect my child and protect my heart.

That night he called scared about the new school about not being at home. Worried about his brothers and the dogs. He begged me to come in the morning and pick him up. He claimed he made a mistake. I talked him through it and told him that change can be a very scary thing. Its scary because we don't know whats going to happen and its new that its normal. Deep down inside I was worried too, but as a mother you hide some emotions to your children. We got off the phone after 3 hours of talking. I went to sleep knowing that all these emotions we were both experiencing were going to be hard, but in the end I know that it will be for the best.

The first week he struggled with getting to know his dad as a full time parent and not the fun weekend dad. He struggled with teachers and students at the new school. Rules and expectations etc, but each week it got better. When he would call he would complain about his dad all the new changes... All I could do was listen and try to understand, be strong for him. When inside I was dying.

It was a complete role change for everyone not just me. Blaine had to go to school alone, go to bed alone, waited outside of school alone. He did homework and had to play outside alone. It was very hard for him to accept. The weeks went by and everyday It got easier. The house was quiet no groundings fighting between everyone. I would pick up Braiden every other weekend and our relationship had changed. Not in a bad way like I expected, but it a good way. He appreciated the life he had here, he appreciated his brothers and our family. He was ready to come home, but I told him that he made a choice to move schools and he only had a total of 3 months from the time he moved till the day school ended. After that if he still wanted to move back he could.

I caught HELL from everyone my father, birth sister etc judging me for letting him go. That I had given up on him, but they missed the point. I let him go to help him seek happiness. To allow him to feel like he had some control in his life. I know I did the right thing, He needed his father like I searched for my birth mother and I know first hand that feeling of belonging. I love my son more than anything in the world and if letting him go made a difference in his life and happiness then it was worth all the pain I endured. As parents our job is to protect, love and honor our children s thoughts feelings and emotions. When we make the choice to have children our thoughts feelings and emotions are out the window. Its all about our kids.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Cancer Sucks!

Well Nancy is my mother that passed 3 years ago in December! She was my everything..Here is the story about the day I found out she was dying and the 8 weeks that followed before her death..

I had a family friend stop by my house late one night to drink a beer and talk. He was concerned about my mom Nancy. He told me that my dad had taken her to the Dr. that day because her work contacted my dad threatening to terminate her. She was slacking off and having problems focusing on important tasks. She was a Human resource manager for 40 years. This was completely out of character for my mother. I was scared and confused why my dad would not inform me of such a serious issue. Jeremy my friend told me that the Dr. diagnosed her with a sinus infection wrote her medication and sent her home. I jumped on the internet and started entering in her symptoms... I know hypochondria right?
My grandparents which are on my moms side got Alzheimer's at a fairly young age 63. So my mind went into the thought of this horrible disease. I found the Alzheimer support group had a 24/7 answering service so I called at midnight telling them about how my mom was acting etc. The lady on the phone said No Alzheimer does not progress as quickly as your description. I would take her to a ER soon it could possibly be a tumor, or something wrong with her brain . I  had trouble sleeping and prayed hit my knees and asked God to reveal her sickness.

The next day I woke up and headed to the Salon I had no choice but to work from 8am till 12pm. My dad owns the Barber shop next door to my salon and I confronted him that morning! I was angry with him for not involving me in my mothers problem. He was in complete denial and said he had a appointment next Monday with a new Dr. for further testing. That was not good enough! I asked him where is Mom? His answer was at home on the couch. I said did you leave her keys with her? He said yes why? Ummm gee dad I don't know she is not acting herself, she has been confused and saying random weird remarks. Do you think someone in that condition should have access to keys?... Oh I didn't think about that! Holy shit... MEN. I called my mom right then and asked hey what are you doing? She said oh just piddling around, I feel weird and foggy. Not sure what fogy meant, but I told her relax watch some TV I get off at 12 I will come pick you up and we can go eat lunch. She said OK and that was that. I wanted to hang out with her and see exactly what was going on.

I got off at 12 and called her. When she answered she told me she was headed into work! WHAT! So I turned around on the highway and headed straight for her job. I saw her car in the parking lot and felt relief. As soon as entered the building her manager, boss, and assistant all confronted me and pulled me into a office. They explained there concerns for my moms mental health and told me everything that had been going on for months that no one knew about because she is at work more than home. I was shocked and scared I didn't know what to do! I called my dad and my moms best friend asked them if I should take her to the ER. They both yelled at me and said NO we have this under control. I sat there helpless I knew in my heart and soul something was way wrong.

I went to my moms office sat down with Blaine 3 years at the time and said Mom do you want to go see another Dr. She said yes I know something is wrong I just dont know what! I said ok come with me and lets get in the car. As Blaine,my mom and I were walking to my car. My mom started to shuffle her left leg. I though it was strange and she was very slow. We got into the car and I headed to Dallas ER. When we arrived I checked her in and the nurse took one look at her, she flashed a light in her eyes! The nurse looked at me said we need her in Trauma now! WTF? Are you serious for what. The nurse explained her pupils were not adjusting correctly and it could be a sign her brain was swelling. At this point only person that knew we were at the ER was my mom and I.

They took her back for scans within 15 minutes. I waited not knowing what to do or if I should call my dad cause he told me not to take her. I called Richie Blaines father and told him to please come get Blaine from the ER. Blaine was 3 and he was board waiting so I gave him my camera to play with. My mom came back from scans and she seemed out of it. Not herself mean yelling at me and Blaine got frustrated with nurses very rude and had a nasty mouth on her. Not my sweet mother I mean she could be a bitch when need be, but not for no reason. I tried to calm her and at 4pm I decided I had to let my dad know where we were. I called him at work and said come to the ER when you get off I have mom here. He flipped out screaming bitching about the ER bill etc. I told him I will pay it just shut up and get here.

He showed up at 6pm. He made fun of us asking if we were having fun yet and bets we are hungry etc. My dad is full of funnies. That is how he deals with pain or denial he jokes. Then my mom looked down at her arm band and she looked up confused. My dad said Nancy...She responded with is that my name? My dad busted out laughing good one, haha you got me. I knew right then something was terribly wrong. She was serious and when my dad finally realized he lost it. I ran down the hall to find a nurse and ran into the Dr. He had films in his hands and I told him she doesnt know who she is in a matter of minutes. Please Help her!... He advised me to go back to the room and we walked in together. He looked right at us and said Nancy you have a Brain tumor the size of a grapefruit located in your frontal sinus!

My first thought oh thank God he knows whats wrong, second thought cancer ok cool Chemo, radiation a year or so and were good, then I said Im going outside to call family and let them know. I called her sister, cousins etc told everyone what they found. I went back inside and a group of 10 plus Dr.s were having my dad sign paperwork etc. The brain Dr said this is the most aggressive tumor and the only one not able to be cured. We need to get her in surgery ASAP to get the swelling off her brain and get steroids in her system.

I stood there in complete shock! Then the Dr. said she has a year tops....

My mom was rushed into brain surgery she had no idea what was going on she was not herself. It was so hard to watch the woman I loved and the woman that was so strong and smart, not acting like herself. I was terrified she would go in not knowing us and come out even worse, but I had to pray and leave her will in Gods hands. Hours went by and the Dr. came to talk to us. He said they removed everything possible but that the tumor was so big that they left a lot behind because the risk of removing too much brain. When she woke up she was my mother again. She knew who she was and who we were! I felt so much relief. She stayed in the hospital for a few days then sent home.

My mom was the primary bread winner and my dad was self employed barber. He charged $12 a cut and worked his ass off for a small check. Our family and friends rallied, brought my parents dinner, money etc took turns staying with my mom at home while my dad was at work. I had only owned my shop for 1 year and I knew when we found out she had a year to live, I was going to spend every second with her. I started cancelling appointments to hangout with her during the day so my dad could work full time and keep there house. The first day of caring for my mom... I took my kids to school and went to there house my mom was in bed and requested eggs, so I went to the kitchen and made them with a cold glass of milk, I felt pride in making mom breakfast. I honestly think that was the first time as a adult I cooked for her. I took her food and sat in bed  with her watching TV. I wanted to ask her how she felt about her cancer, and if she even remembered the Dr telling her she had a year to live. Instead I sat there and held her hand I had no idea how to bring the subject up. I went into the living room to cry, cause I didn't want to scare my mom or make her feel uncomfortable. I had yet to see her cry over this. I sat in the living room and put my head on a pillow I guess I dosed off and I heard a loud bang. I jumped up and ran to the sound. My mom had attempted to put her plate of food up on her own and her legs stopped working! She hit hard and I tried to help her up and she yelled at me! Leave me alone I'm fine, I can get up on my own I'm not crippled! I stood at the door way and watched her struggle as her legs were paralyzed. Again I had no idea what to do! It was so hard to watch my mother struggle when two days before she was at work and a normal functioning person, now she has 1 year to live and cant even walk. How does this happen? Why is this happening to my family to such a good person? I was angry and upset.. Finally after 10 minutes of her attempting to get feeling she gave up and let me get her in her wheel chair. My heart broke for her. I know that had to be hard to accept and from then on out she was angry and mad for several weeks.

We saw a Chemo Dr. I know they have a name, but I didnt like this woman so I wont giver her a title! She made us wait for hours to see her and my mom got frustrated and had me wheel her out to smoke a cigarette . It was a non smoking campus and she lit up right as we walked out the doors. A security guard told my mom no smoking and she looked right at him and said "I'm dying soon and you can fuck off!" Well that was the first time I heard her curse at a stranger and the first time I heard her admit out loud she knew what was going on with her health. We went back into the office and they called her name. This Dr. claimed there was some new Chemo pill that was FDA approved and would cure my mothers stage 4 Glioblastoma Tumor! My mom wheeled out of the office int he middle of this Dr's lies. We went in the hall way and cried held each other and my mom said "Holly what do I do?" I told her mom whatever you want, If you want to fight this go for it! I'm here to support you no matter what decision you make. If all the Dr's claim your dying then what do you have to loose by trying this drug? She started radiation treatments and Chemo pills daily and IV chemo every 2 weeks. It was not 4 weeks into treatment and I received a call from my dad at 7:00 a.m. a Sunday morning Holly I need you to get to the hospital soon. I had no idea what was going on. I walked into the room and my mom was sitting up in the bed with a pan under her nose, her shirt was soaked in blood and her nose was leaking everywhere! I thought OMG I started crying hysterically and freaking out asking questions just honestly acting like a fool. My mom yelled at the top of her lungs STOP IT! You stop it right now! I froze in complete disbelief. She snapped me out of my panic. She started bawling and telling me I'm scared right now and I know I'm dying, please stop crying and freaking out! I need you to be strong for me Holly keep me calm. I stopped I wiped my tears sucked up my emotions and put my big girl panties on! I never cried again! The nurse was horrible a shoved packing into her nose without warning! No bedside manners my trust in Dr, nurses and staff went out the window after my mothers last week of life inside that hospital.

They got her stable and we found out her white blood count was so low they had to do transfusions everyday bags and bags of blood. The count never changed and if it did it was only a few points nothing promising! The Chemo did its job it was killing her slowly. Then one morning the nurses came to take my mother down stairs to see a ENT to remove and change the packing in her nose. They sat her up and she slumped over non responsive! MOM MOM I screamed hitting her hand her face trying to get a response. Slowly she came to. The two nurses just sat there! They did not check her vitals they did not call for back up, and they could not answer me as to what just happened! They said she must be tired! My mom never spoke a word after that moment! I never heard her voice again! There was no more communication verbally. The nurses attempted to transport my mom after this downstairs in a wheel chair. I told them your not moving her anywhere and not in a chair with no seat belt what if she does this again and falls out! So they called the ENT downstairs and asked if her bed would fit in the office, he said "no she must come in a wheel chair." I told the nurses NO why cant he come up here and see her? They asked the Dr to come to her room and change the packing, he said" no I'm too busy and I'm doing her a favor by fitting her in." So I warned the nurses if she falls or gets hurt I will hire a attorney. My dad asked me not to go with my mom to the appointment, because seeing all that blood and her discomfort would only upset me. Again my instincts told me No stay with her something is wrong. My sister(not blood but raised together/best friend) and I went with her downstairs BTW they used a bed sheet to tie my moms waist to the chair so she would not fall out! This was my first experience with hospitals and cancer. I trusted the Dr's Nurses and staff we made it downstairs to the office. The nurse that transported my mom forgot my moms chart so she left my sister and I with my mom to run upstairs and get it. The Dr called her back. He started asking her questions and she didn't respond she just looked at me to answer them and so I did. I thought it was strange she was not talking and continued to question the Dr. I told him something is wrong she was just talking a hour ago and its like she cant. He dismissed my concerns and said I'm just a ENT my job here is to care for her nose. Let her nurses know when you get back upstairs. Then he asked my sister and I to get her into his office chair. Her legs were no longer working. I told this Dr NO I cant lift her, get your staff to move her. He argued with me and said I need her in my chair it will benefit her better so I can work on her properly. He also said his staff was not capable of moving her either. Again TRUST and DR'S know best! So my sister and I got her in his chair. He did what needed to be done and told us we were free to leave. Meantime my mothers nurse never showed back up with her chart. This Dr left my sister and I in the room with my dying mother alone to move her and he answered a phone call down the hall with his back turned to our room. I looked at my mom and said are you ready we are going to pick you up and move you. She nodded her head. 1,2,3 we lifted and my mom went down! She hit the ground with force. I screamed and his staff came running in all women that weighted 100lbs each soaking wet. Trying to get her up and that FUCKING DR. excuse me but I was pissed looked back and continued his conversation on the phone like he had no clue what was going on. My mom was paralyzed suddenly she could not even hold her back straight she was like jelly. Her gown was open int he back and her privates were hanging out! I grabbed her sat behind her with my legs wrapped around her waist to hold her up! I was screaming SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HER! My mom did not say a word, but tears were pouring down her face! I told my sister "Go out in the hall and grab the biggest men you can find to help us." She came back with a huge man and he tried for several minutes to lift my mom enough to get her in her chair. Finally he did and I wheeled my out. Lord only knows what I said to that DR and his staff...

I call this all HELL Breaks loose.... I demanded my sister take my mom upstairs and I went straight to the patient center to speak with someone. I told her she better get the head nurse of her floor and the other two that were responsible for my mom in a meeting in 10 minutes or I was calling every local news station , personal injury lawyers etc. I got up stairs and they called me into the meeting. I can not begin to explain the amount of emotions running through my body it was electric. They admitted there wrongs, set new rules fired the two nurses that left her unattended in front of me. From that moment on only the charge nurse touched my mother! It was her full time job...The next day they found a stroke on her CT. That explained her not talking, her not able to walk etc. She stopped eating, her blood count got worse and two days later my Dad pulled my to the side asked me to go home pick out the outfit I wanted her buried in, jewelry and write her obituary. Now I was adopted I'm the only child this was something I had to do alone! I kissed my mom left and did as my dad directed me to. I walked into there house into her closet and fell to the ground.... I screamed pulled some hair out, begged God to stop this! Save her she is my mother I need her I'm only 23 years old I have small kids that need there grandmother. My mom and dad have known each other since #rd grade. They were high school sweet hearts married 40 years. He will die without her... I remember that day I freaked out in front of my mom and her telling me to stop it. So I sucked it up found her clothes, makeup bag wrote a short obituary and grabbed a bottle of my dads jack daniels! I drank a 5th on the way back to the hospital. When I got there I was wasted and my dad could tell. He asked me if I wanted to go home and rest tonight is the night and he will not think less of me if I can not handle watching her die. I got mad at him! You do not know that! Your not GOD... she will be ok and alive when I come back in the morning. I hugged my mom and kissed her forehead I whispered in her ear "Its ok if your tired, its ok to give up. I will be ok you raised me right and to be a strong woman and a good mother. I know now how important a mothers role is to her children." "Please mom know that I will take care of dad." she rolled her eyes and nodded her head. I left and at 3 a.m. my phone rang. I shot up and looked it was my dad! I knew I knew right then what this call was about. I answered the phone and he was crying so hard I could not understand him. I did not need to understand his words. His cries were full of pain and loneliness. Shes GONE she is GONE Holly please hurry. I grabbed my keys and ran to my car. I looked up at the stars and God. My first thought was my Mom walking into the light and seeing her parents for the first time in 10 plus years hugging them. She had a smile on her face and was not concerned with her death, our heartache and tears. She was at peace and with her loved ones again. I got to the hospital walked through the doors and my dad was outside the room curled up on the floor holding his knees crying! I have never in my life seen my father cry. I held him and knowing my pain, I could only imagine his pain had to be 100 times worse. He grabbed my hand and took me into the room. Her eyes were still open and her mouth was wide open. She had gasped for her last breath. She had her glasses clutched in her hands. My dad told me to kiss her and hold her hands now while they were still warm. Soon she will become stiff and it will be too late. It will never feel the same again. Oh how right he was. I was scared of her! It was not her only her body, her soul was gone off to a better place. I touched her shortly and walked out. I could not handle it.

It has been 3 years and the wounds will never heal fully, but time passes and it gets easier to forget all the bad and hold on to all the good memories I have of my mother. I learned priceless lessons through this battle that many have never faced. I know now that I can demand new Dr's, request different nurses if I do not feel a loved one is getting proper care, I have a voice! That is the most powerful lesson learned. I do not accept one answer I research options and other advice. I listen to others, hear there experiences and try to make educated decisions. I hate cancer but some win and some loose. That is life and the sooner you can accept that we all live and die, not matter who or what takes us out. We are all on our way. Let go of the hate, anger and pain it will only hold you hostage! You have to live in the moment not in the past and not in the future. Take one day at a time and make sure you let your loved ones know each day how special they are. 

Cancer SUCKS!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

One comment can change a persons life!

So I woke up this morning walked my 7 year old into class with his hermit crab, hugged him and took off to run my birth mother and nieces around town to switch schools. Long story full of drama not required. Anywhoo get to work and fill lashes doing my thing.. I had two famous bloggers in for there regularly scheduled appointments Skinny Meg and Mama Laughlin...

Oh how do I count the ways I love Mama Laughlin she is a true inspiration in every way. She sets goals and she sees them through no matter how hard she never gives up. I think we are alike in that  aspect and I think thats why we Gel so well. She has single handed tripled my business,  my Instagram account and my life! I was in a horrific car accident broke my face and UN able to work or pay bills. I honestly thought that was it I had to sell the salon and get a 9-5 job.
Brandi (AKA Mama Laughlin) wasn't having that shit happen so she blogged about me and before I knew it I was overwhelmed with Get well cards, positive thoughts, prayers and money! Her and her followers saved my family my business and my hope. I'm emotional right now.. no words can begin to express my gratitude towards each and every person involved. The money saved me financially and filled my bills, but the words of encouragement filled my heart and soul on overload. Check her out at

Skinny Meg was telling me about how some women commented on her daughters weight! The sweet baby girl Madison is only a child not sure her exact age but its 5-6, who does that! Girls already have self image issues growing up why in the world would some stranger be so negative and hateful? You know why, because there lives suck so bad they have nothing better to do than to get on the internet and bash others even innocent children! Who ever you are Karma is real and she is not nice. Be prepared. I felt for her and it made me sad that there are people around like this.

Words cant be taken back so think long and hard before you allow them to so freely exist your mouth. I was on a low after that discussion trying to wrap my head around it and then

I view my Facebook and I read the following

You are a beautiful and talented woman who's life experiences make great knowledge just seep out of you. You are a true gift to people!

Tears.. Wow I was amazed that she thought of me this way. Then I asked her where did that come from? Her response was...Just reading your feeds as they come through. I see that life isn't always and hasn't been easy for you yet you are still always so positive. You continue to thank God and to trust that he always has a better plan. Your struggles seem to make you a better and stronger person. These days honest and good people are so rare, so many people try to portray this good image on FB but are completely different person and you are just so real. You bust your ass for your family and when a tough day comes your way, you still say you are blessed! Sometimes people deserve to be told "I see you, I hear you, and I care."

Im so glad that my struggles in life are not in vain! Im glad that God has made me a very open, honest person that is willing to share my life story with anyone willing to listen because that comment right there made all the bad have a purpose. I grow and I build from these hardships in life and that true. If it was not for people like her to support me and notice me I would not have such a positive attitude.

Today was a great day for the simple fact Im alive and I have my family. The lesson I have learned today is to find the good in every person big or small and let them know you see and appreciate them. Be kind to others don't judge, its worth its weight in gold.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Long day at the Salon...

Well today I had to work all day! Saturday just know hairstylist bust our butts miss out on family time Saturdays to do your hair. Tip well please... I didnt want to go I wanted to hangout with my kids and do Easter fun stuff, buy money calls. Im glad I did I had 4 new clients and made each one love there hair! Im so blessed to be able to create a look and feeling for complete strangers that make them feel good about themselves, its a amazing blessing. My kids had to be dropped off at 2pm so Pops could go work a second job. This is a 10, 7 and 2 year old boys mind you! I was fearing the worst, but honestly they did great and let me do my thing. Thank god! I came home to a dirty house, muddy dogs and a shit ton of laundry! Not what I wanted after a 8 hour day, but hey what can you do? I made this place shine bright like a diamond. I also allowed my 2 year old to run around in the front yard in his diaper and socks and roll in the mud! He loved every second and I sat on the porch smiling like I have never smiled! He is so funny and happy to explore life. Who cares a little dirt dont hurt! I got him cleaned up ate dinner and off to sleepy town! Tomorrow is Easter Sunday and this year I decided not to buy my children eggs, candy baskets etc. They are spoiled rotten and need to realize this year and every year is about Jesus Christ! Not candy.... We will head to Richies family and do the egg hunt, but I have a book about the Easter Story and tomorrow morning we will read about the true meaning of this amazing holiday! Family and LOVE nothing gets better than that. I have been through more than most hard times. People say I have no luck and bad things follow me, but Im starting to realize I can do nothing but keep smiling have a positive attitude and be thankful Im alive. Stress and crying worrying about others does no good, focus on the moment what you can change and what you just have to surrender and accept! I surrendered to God after my serious car accident 3 months ago I almost died! I should have buried, but instead Im here alive to see my children able to stand on my feet and work no doubt $150K in debt, but Im alive!

Im random and I have alot going on but its me my life and it makes me a strong person that gravitates toward positive up lifting people.

Health issues since the accident I fractured my frontal sinus cavity and eye socket. The hospital sent me home after 4 hours because the realized I had no health insurance! BULLSHIT, but like I said its done. I find out next week if these random symptoms I am having are a pituitary tumor in my brain! If so the hospital should have preformed surgery within 48-74 hours to repair the fractures and a risk of not doing so are tumors!  Honestly Im concerned but this is non cancerous so I will survive! Just need answers and prayers...

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Getting ready to slam my x landlord in court

Wow where to start! I lived in a house for 5 years! Rented no less.. always paid on time no problems till the landlord refused to make repairs! One day I opened my water bill and it was $900 and my gas was $500 Holy Shit! It took him 2 weeks to come see what was going on, and only because I had the city shit the water off at the main! Well a hot water pipe burst under the house and I hired a inspector to examine the house.... Major electrical issue besides the busted pipe! The inspector said get out this house could catch fire any moment... I called renters insurance to cover and got smoke alarms. I had no choice but to stay I could not afford to move or break my lease. I waited for 1 year then finally I decided to google my tenant rights in Texas. I found many ways to handle this guy so I did just that. I sent a repair request certified mail and a copy of the inspection to the landlord. 1 WEEK later I was given a 30 days via email to get out! Haha big mistake in Texas that is considered retaliation. So I started packing my things looking for a new house and file in Court! I got a court date a few days ago and have documents from 2008 when I started paying rent. I have receipts for a stove I purchased because he would not repair the one that was provided under the lease, inspection, city code enforcement  etc etc etc the list goes on for days! Moral to this story keep every receipt for everything you purchase be informed about the laws and your rights cause I never thought I would be dealing with this but I am and I am ready! Im asking $5,000 for damages moving cost etc and I can promise you this is so solid I will be handed a check that day if not I will request a lean be placed on the landlord cause after he served me my 30 day I called the city and they came out fined him thousands and out a hold on the property for sale and rent until it is up to code! Sorry Mr. Shitty Landlord you thought you could save money kick my children and I out on the streets, turn around and rent to someone that didnt know the hidden dangers  behind the walls and get away with it! NO GO... I made sure you dont do this to anyone else JUSTICE

Keep up with my blog so I can let you know what happens Court date is 5-8-13 3pm