Letting my SON spread his wings!

This post is about allowing my oldest son to move schools and move into his fathers house. The pain it caused me and how I overcame the hardest decision I have made to date as a parent. Dealing with others comments and judgement.

Well my 10 year old Braiden was having issues at school and home. He was defiant started to back talk. Being very disrespectful and slacking in school work. We battled  each other daily, the entire house was at war. It made my relationship with my boyfriend come to a close end. We argued about how to handle him, punishments and words. I always took my sons side and it made my boyfriend and I become distant. My other children suffered because when Braiden was grounded it felt like the whole house was grounded. We had to stay home and it ended up punishing everyone in the end. Finally one day I got a phone call from a teacher and I lost it. I screamed at him, then started to cry uncontrollably "What can I do to make you happy?" His response was "I want to move to my dads!" I was shocked, hurt and didn't understand why he would say that. It hurt me and made me feel like the worst mother in the world! My own son did not want me anymore. I cried for days cancelled appointments and stayed in bed. I took it personally. I called his dad and told him Braiden wanted to move with him. He was excited and said yes, when Blaine my 7 year old found out his brother was moving he started to cry so hard, he could not breath. He grabbed me and said"my chest hurts I can not breath mom" I told him I know Im so sorry you are experiening your first broken heart. Its the truth I know that feeling, I felt it when my grandparents and mom passed away. When the pain is so great your chest hurts and you can catch your breath. I explained to Blaine that everything will be ok and In that moment talking my son through the pain, I was not only helping him I was helping myself to realize what this was really about. Braiden is my oldest from my marriage to his father and Blaine and Bishop are from my 10 year relationship with my boyfriend. I told Blaine he has lived with me for 10 years and he has never lived with his dad. He needs his father just like you need yours. I explained what if mommy and daddy split up and you had to only live with mommy? He said I would miss my daddy so bad. I said yes and that is why Braiden wants to live with his dad. Its not because he does not love us, or he is mad at us. It hit me and I felt better about letting him go. So I packed my sons stuff up, signed transfer papers for school and drove him to Canton. It is 1 hour away from where we live. On the way there it was silent in the car. I did not know what to say to Braiden. He started to cry uncontrollably and wanting to back out. Turn the car around mom I dont want to go anymore. I stopped the car and hugged him. I looked at him right in the eyes and said" Braiden Im not mad at you! I love you so much and will do whatever it takes to make you happy. I know you love me and you wanting to live with your dad is not a bad thing. I think that its great and Im proud of you for voicing your opinion and making such a grown up decision. He said " mom I dont want you to be mad at me or think that I do not love you." We just hugged and cried feels like forever. We got to his dads and I dropped him off, hugged him kissed him and told him to call me anytime day or night. If he needs anything Im always here.

I drove off............

Got 1 mile down the road pulled over parked the car got out and hit my knees. I prayed like I have never prayed before to protect my child and protect my heart.

That night he called scared about the new school about not being at home. Worried about his brothers and the dogs. He begged me to come in the morning and pick him up. He claimed he made a mistake. I talked him through it and told him that change can be a very scary thing. Its scary because we don't know whats going to happen and its new that its normal. Deep down inside I was worried too, but as a mother you hide some emotions to your children. We got off the phone after 3 hours of talking. I went to sleep knowing that all these emotions we were both experiencing were going to be hard, but in the end I know that it will be for the best.

The first week he struggled with getting to know his dad as a full time parent and not the fun weekend dad. He struggled with teachers and students at the new school. Rules and expectations etc, but each week it got better. When he would call he would complain about his dad all the new changes... All I could do was listen and try to understand, be strong for him. When inside I was dying.

It was a complete role change for everyone not just me. Blaine had to go to school alone, go to bed alone, waited outside of school alone. He did homework and had to play outside alone. It was very hard for him to accept. The weeks went by and everyday It got easier. The house was quiet no groundings fighting between everyone. I would pick up Braiden every other weekend and our relationship had changed. Not in a bad way like I expected, but it a good way. He appreciated the life he had here, he appreciated his brothers and our family. He was ready to come home, but I told him that he made a choice to move schools and he only had a total of 3 months from the time he moved till the day school ended. After that if he still wanted to move back he could.

I caught HELL from everyone my father, birth sister etc judging me for letting him go. That I had given up on him, but they missed the point. I let him go to help him seek happiness. To allow him to feel like he had some control in his life. I know I did the right thing, He needed his father like I searched for my birth mother and I know first hand that feeling of belonging. I love my son more than anything in the world and if letting him go made a difference in his life and happiness then it was worth all the pain I endured. As parents our job is to protect, love and honor our children s thoughts feelings and emotions. When we make the choice to have children our thoughts feelings and emotions are out the window. Its all about our kids.